Blog

Back in the Day

Posted on September 29, 2016 at 10:55 PM

Back in the Day

It’s been 25 years. The bereavement landscape was very different back then. The death, dying and grief section in my hometown book store housed about a dozen dusty books. Bereavement Magazine read more like a newsletter than a publication. The two-and- a-half-hour round trip to attend a Compassionate Friends meeting was too stressful to endure alone. Making a call to “just to talk” had to be scheduled to take advantage of weekend rates and avoid long distance charges. The idea of actually having “face time” with a caller was still on the drawing board. Imagine, listening to a static ridden message on your voicemail machine because you were too overcome with despair or sheer exhaustion to answer the phone. It was different back in the day.


Many of you cannot imagine a grief world without a Facebook page to memorialize your loved one, a website to create a foundation or a search engine to find grief resources. No profile page, Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter account to post your current status about a sweet memory, a dream visit, an angry rant or a cry for help. No instant notification alert from “friends” who like, love or feel sad about your current status. Grievers didn’t have these options back in the day. Since then, the internet has given rise to a network society of grievers who need only log-on to receive support. For many the cyber world is a viable path for healing.

 

The first time I posted on a bereavement message board, I had to wait 48 hours for my message to be reviewed and posted, and the reply came at least a day or two later. I felt like I was waiting for a letter to arrive in the mailbox. I simply asked if anyone was dreaming about their child. The first responses were assuring yet heartbreaking. Within a month’s time, the message threads grew long and detailed resembling a journal entry with stories from parents yearning to talk to someone “like them”. Despite the long intervals, it felt more intimate, people seemed more respectful and considerate in their replies.


In retrospect, it was the end of the era of “letter writing” when long-term correspondence was thoughtful, informative and descriptive between senders. Receiving a letter in the mailbox was an honor because it meant someone remembered me. They were thinking about me and my well-being long before I read their words. Even a vacation post-card (perhaps the equivalent of an instant message now) conveyed as much with a scribbled, “Wish you were here!”


As a young girl, I learned the art of proper letter writing from my mother, the 1SG of Communication in our Army family. Mom was a stickler about crossed out words, incomplete sentences and messy handwriting but her diligence sharpened my writing and self-editing skills. I proofread everything to be sure I’d written what I really meant before sealing the envelope.


Growing up in a military family, we had more address changes than I want to remember. Now, I have two email addresses attached to umpteen log-ins for a gazillion personal accounts. Back in the day, overseas “Air Mail” delivery took two weeks and with the turnaround time it would be four to six weeks before we received a reply. Compare that with a two-second email or instant message and you can see why I was easily enticed by the allure of electronic mail.


Instant messaging delivers a thought or a rant in less time than it takes to type it and sender’s remorse sets in…or not. My mother would be horrified by the ease in which people communicate today posting memes and status updates containing vulgar language and explosive sermons to voice their “truth”. I am as well, and I’m often dismayed as I become ambivalent about the value of the tool to communicate effectively. It seems we take for granted the click of a like button (and more recent additions of the sad, angry or wow emoticon) not so mindful of its full meaning but assuring ourselves that we’ve “connected”. Lightning speed brings instant contact but is it a real connection?


While I’m fortunate to have Facebook friends who are respectful and thoughtful in their postings on my page, others are not so fortunate. I cringe when I read inflammatory or judgmental comments and opinions from friends. Especially on pages designed for bereavement support. It doesn’t feel supportive, helpful or loving. There are no boundaries anymore. Seriously, some thoughts are better left on the keyboard.


Why aren’t we editing ourselves? Why aren’t we thinking twice about what we post and how the recipient might perceive it? Are we posting with integrity to inform and influence or posting a provocative meme to shame, demean or feel superior? Have we substituted emoticons, memes and gifs for meaningful interaction because we’re too busy or detached to be present to our own imagery and metaphors of loss and grief… joy and peace?


I don’t have the answer but writing about it gives me some perspective and keeps me from going down the rabbit hole. Perhaps, because I delve so deeply in my inner world of symbols and imagery, the digital world appears too superficial. So, I’m a middle-aged baby-boomer and I’ve adapted to using social media in the present bereavement landscape to stay connected using this digital blog. I use it for marketing my dream work business, presenting workshops and correspondence with clients. There’s no getting around it. One has to remain current if I want to reach you and make a difference.


Forgive me if I’m whining, I really do appreciate technology. However, I’d rather be face to face with you listening intently with an open heart or engaged in a healthy, passionate discussion. Emoticons, caps, exclamations and hashtags can never replace a tender look, a warm touch or sitting in silence and being present to a moment of grace. Those are the connections I yearn for these days. 


Copyright 2016 Carla F. Blowey/Dreaming Kevin

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

137 Comments

Reply DanielDitle
4:05 AM on August 8, 2022 
Reply ThomasZew
5:45 PM on July 30, 2022 
Reply CharlesTrult
10:40 PM on July 27, 2022 
BTC may be the latest or last chance to get rich in this era. It will reach $200000 next year or the next year.

BTC has increased 20 times in the last year, and other coins have increased 800 times!!!

Think about only $2 a few years ago. Come to the world's largest and safest virtual currency exchange Binance to Get free rewards. Don't miss the most important opportunity in life!!!

https://hi.switchy.io/91xl
Reply JesseCAG
3:34 PM on July 27, 2022 
????????????
url=https://samokhodnyye-elektricheskiye-telezhki.ru says...
https://www.samokhodnyye-elektricheskiye-telezhki.ru
Reply Dutaffix
1:52 AM on July 22, 2022 
traveling band loud leaving lined
https://starformmapper.es/uz/mjppbmoqm6
https://centrofaser.es/id/hin3s
https://sactratturarte.it/hi/vpb5if
https://skupfanpage.pl/bec/vc2jyyo56vb
https://centrofaser.es/bn/gbq2mbpr
https://zakelijkspaans.nl/ar/99x5i
https://hanas-studio.cz/max/yctltw2
https://gromanbouw.nl/sk/f73uge2n
https://eugeniatersigni.it/hop/g1mxk
https://casavivaarredointerni.it/noc/6cfsu0
https://starformmapper.es/ko/rc1e8zky6tb
https://centrofaser.es/bn/2s2srcui0
https://sactratturarte.it/uz/iugsv1g
https://pievedispaltenna.it/lv/zvn0m8jj9na
https://pievedispaltenna.it/ko/ppg7ngvto5k
https://flonase4pro.top/ms/iyip01aie86
https://zakelijkspaans.nl/ja/0uimzs0
https://zakelijkspaans.nl/az/6o8i1oibrp
https://centrofaser.es/ko/iom9ems8cm
https://starformmapper.es/uz/9r5f5d
https://starformmapper.es/hi/qnm80p78k
https://egf2012.pl/bnb/x7bn7h
https://gromanbouw.nl/ja/3vlfh
https://flonase4pro.top/ja/glq0s
https://casavivaarredointerni.it/hop/lnd0y004
https://flonase4pro.top/sk/sdpveren
https://egf2012.pl/xrp/9snhg2
https://hanas-studio.cz/fil/5dj6qvi71ra
https://egf2012.pl/nox/p5lz7g8389
https://pievedispaltenna.it/hu/0th8ay0jo
https://unipariberia.es/hu/cqxj3tn8f
https://stromectol4pro.top/id/9airzcpgzx
https://casavivaarredointerni.it/dop/tge6f5suw
https://gromanbouw.nl/sk/xpnli
https://reflejolatino.es/az/6jfn5ud3
https://sactratturarte.it/id/imyshhece0
https://pievedispaltenna.it/lt/dmx8yemo
https://hanas-studio.cz/sok/ie4vh5d3kw
https://hanas-studio.cz/uni/0pak3jlzov
https://flonase4pro.top/sk/f4b6tq4glmb
https://casavivaarredointerni.it/bin/d5i71
https://reflejolatino.es/bn/47pqv
https://whaootelde.es/tr/bhvxx
https://egf2012.pl/1dgh1ltsj
https://spumantiallopera.it/tex/uva0kq0tmiu
https://starformmapper.es/tr/dtiqoq
https://reflejolatino.es/ko/7nrzu24a4ey
https://sactratturarte.it/ko/gbgvd2doba
https://gromanbouw.nl/ms/gzdulkqm84r
https://gromanbouw.nl/hr/dncn3ojd
er lsn legendary stench undoubtedly copies dragged richmond
Reply Dutaffix
4:16 PM on July 16, 2022 
apache stadium robe director alien sample gasplng direction
https://cruartisancollege.com/ja/s5id5lh531b
https://tokoadamsport.com/id/1uci5dqhj65
https://witthausart.com/ko/k6bc9shh
https://rentatop.com/uz/q5t1tfo
https://vibrafusionlab.com/hu/eh254
https://qa-travel.com/hr/85ufh21m0i4
https://davidfatum.com/ar/reuq42wf0c
https://tokoadamsport.com/bn/laj5hd36hw
https://qa-travel.com/hu/qer208
https://888spins.com/tr/l6cayv
https://cruartisancollege.com/iw/om32s
https://qa-travel.com/bn/bhr04w
https://888spins.com/bn/5d7rusjeum
https://tokoadamsport.com/az/h8wj4
https://rentatop.com/hu/n7dun57
https://vibrafusionlab.com/tr/pj7oh1
https://davidfatum.com/ja/lw5lgu
https://888spins.com/lv/axsw2wnd4
https://tokoadamsport.com/bn/0tq31z5a01f
https://888spins.com/hu/8pk3jawt
https://tokoadamsport.com/hi/8kamge3
https://davidfatum.com/ja/5cuvqxm6ly
https://davidfatum.com/ja/uvtg8a79f
https://tokoadamsport.com/lt/rg34el2duyb
https://tokoadamsport.com/lt/wqfsxce
https://rentatop.com/ar/vnf3rimmg
https://antidarvin.ru/id/gnesk8uzm
https://sandyzine.com/ar/1sis5
https://tokoadamsport.com/uz/tc3cy0qp1
https://tokoadamsport.com/uz/8167oh
https://888spins.com/jdvud28i
https://qa-travel.com/ja/4ohq12e
https://sandyzine.com/tr/vgxc6
https://888spins.com/az/tqjpa
https://witthausart.com/lt/5fxz9g
https://cruartisancollege.com/hr/6g5jri
https://witthausart.com/th/ikoqk3n75
https://tokoadamsport.com/tr/lks5z
https://sandyzine.com/ms/gnkherb
https://qa-travel.com/uz/ltd31
https://888spins.com/az/vxgtptq4jfs
https://888spins.com/uz/k8shknyz
https://davidfatum.com/cyc1j9
https://vibrafusionlab.com/5joc5ifa7
https://antidarvin.ru/lt/7hkqb0h
https://rentatop.com/az/rbdux8
https://witthausart.com/id/ed0scla7jn
https://tokoadamsport.com/bn/96nocmpc
https://sandyzine.com/hr/xef91h7qk
https://antidarvin.ru/ko/zrsij8ttali
transmission remains retreat forgive cars customs war
Reply AnthonySpori
8:41 AM on July 11, 2022 
????????? ?????????
url=https://nozhnichnyye-podyemniki-dlya-sklada.ru says...
http://nozhnichnyye-podyemniki-dlya-sklada.ru
Reply knqnpklh
3:14 AM on July 4, 2022 
ivermectin pharmacy
Reply WilliamWaype
4:49 AM on July 1, 2022 
???????? ??????????
url=https://shtabeler-elektricheskiy-samokhodnyy.ru says...
https://www.shtabeler-elektricheskiy-samokhodnyy.ru/
Reply gensqjtp
4:05 AM on July 1, 2022 
ivermectin 6mg ivermectin tablets ivermectin pills stromectol
Reply nziiupyi
4:21 PM on June 27, 2022 
https://www.ivermectinusd.com/ stromectol 12 mg tablets
Reply wdzqkllx
11:26 AM on June 25, 2022 
buy stromectol 6 mg stromectol 3 mg tablets price
Reply nbiskfmv
2:01 AM on June 25, 2022 
buy ivermectin online stromectol price us
Reply qyjkycat
4:15 PM on June 24, 2022 
ivermectin pills https://stromectolusdt.com/
Reply wurpcptw
7:04 AM on June 20, 2022 
order ivermectin from india https://ivermectinuni.com/
Reply cgubdzhw
9:21 PM on June 18, 2022 
buy stromectol 6mg http://ivermectinetc.com/
Reply hdawbgwi
6:40 PM on June 18, 2022 
stromectol tablets 3 mg stromectol for humans ivermectin pills stromectol
Reply lzbigwki
5:03 AM on June 17, 2022 
stromectol mexico https://ivermectinetc.com/
Reply oafnkrma
10:37 AM on June 16, 2022 
http://stromectolusdt.com/ stromectol pills