A quarterly newsletter offering bereavement support using dreams as a tool for healing and reconciliation.
Carla Blowey, Editor
· Introduction: Welcome
· From the Editor: Recognizing Divine Guidance in Our Dreams
· Tips: Dream Recall
· Dreamer’s Mailbox: Why Can’t I Dream My Child?
· Resources: About Dreaming Kevin-How to Order
· News: Programs and scheduled events
· Subscribe
INTRODUCTION: Welcome
Dear Readers: Welcome to the SECOND issue of Dreams: A Blessing in Disguise, a quarterly newsletter offering bereavement support using dreams as an alternative tool for understanding your grief and reconciling the death of your loved one.
My name is Carla Blowey and I am the author of Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing. I am also a bereaved mother whose dreams have played a vital role in guiding me through some very difficult and challenging times on this fourteen-year journey. I am very passionate about sharing my dream experiences with the bereaved because everything we need to know to understand our grief and survive this journey is within us. We must learn to trust our intuition, so we can become more conscious of the inner guidance depicted in our dreams. Dream work is a unique tool that can bring healing to the wounded places in our body, in our heart, and in our soul.
In this newsletter, I invite you to ‘see differently’ by using the gift of your dreams as a tool for reconciliation, healing, and spiritual growth. Each quarter I will share stories, insights, and resources about dreaming to inspire you to explore your own dream world. Please feel welcome to correspond with me and use this forum for discussion and support.
FROM THE EDITOR: Recognizing Divine Guidance in Our Dreams
There are few of us who can say that we do not have regret, misgiving, resentment, or guilt concerning the passing of our deceased child or loved one. Given the emotional trauma surrounding the death of a loved one, is it any wonder that we rehash those last days, admonishing ourselves for what we should of, would of, or could of done to save their life?
We ruminate and dream about our child’s death searching for that one point when things might have gone differently. How often has our dream self portrayed the event hoping to change the outcome? Nightmares and bad dreams replay our greatest fears and horrific memories, keeping us paralyzed in the past.
If this is a familiar scenario for you, then I invite you to look at your dreams more closely and discover that everything you need to know to understand yourselves and survive this journey is within you. Our dreams play a significant role in the progression of our grief journey by exposing our personal struggles, hidden issues, and deepest fears. Using symbols and images from our experiences, the dream self offers feedback about our challenges, struggles and successes. The dream self really wants to communicate with you via the divine to bring understanding and healing. We don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do, so we tend to be suspicious of the communiqué and we misconstrue the truth—hence the nightmares and bizarre dreams. When we begin to recognize our personal symbols we can track their appearance in our dreams and see the patterns of resistance or denial that keep us from moving on with our life. The dream self keeps us accountable and responsible for our actions—think of it as a nightly report on the status of your soul.
What is divine guidance and what does it have to do with dreams?
I recognize divine guidance in dreams as that which shines the light of truth and imparts knowledge on that which is unknown or denied by me. This divine connection allows me to see differently and experience love and well-being in the waking world. Ultimately it strengthens me to follow synchronicities and recognize assistance to make healthier choices.
We receive guidance in our dreams even when the ego or our False self has control of the wheel and drives us over the edge of the cliff! Unfortunately, the ego interprets guidance for its own gain, which is to keep us in denial and fear about our progress and our children’s well being.
So, how do we discern the difference between our ego’s desires and Divine guidance?
First, understand that dreams should be used as a tool to ASSIST you in making good choices and healthy decisions for your health, relationships, career, finances, and spiritual growth. Ultimately YOU are the one that is responsible for those choices based on your intuition and interpretation of the dream.
My friend and mentor Harry McDonald, reminds me that guidance can be easily corrupted by our ego. Harry says, “The ego is relieved to find the enemy”. When we are not connected to the Divine source our ego thrives on promoting what it has selected as the ‘truth’ and it is always the opposite of what the Divine sees in us.
We can distinguish divine guidance in our dreams with this simple checklist
v How do I feel about the dream?
v Is there a ring of truth to anything in the dream?
v Does it help me to see aspects of myself of the situation in a new light?
v Does the guidance seem unreasonable or would it harm me or someone else?
v Am I manipulating the message to serve what I want it to be rather than what is needed?
v Who is presenting the guidance? Do I trust them?
v Do I recognize synchronicities in the dream and in my waking life?
v Does it bring me peace? Do I feel connected to love and joy?
Review this checklist often to discern whether the divine is present in your dream. Discernment and prayer are essential to understanding the language of the Spirit. Let go of any expectations as to how the divine might appear and increase your awareness of synchronicities related to the dream. If you are willing, you will begin to see yourself and your child with more love and compassion than ever before, and you will get a glimpse of how the divine sees you as well.
TIPS: Dream Recall
Is there anything more maddening than waking up from a dream only to lose 95% of the details as soon as your feet hit the floor?
Our ability to recall our dreams is affected by illness, medication, alcohol, stress, depression, and fear, all of which interrupt the sleep cycles. Eliminating or reducing some of these causes can increase dream recall within days.
Sleep researchers have discovered that the human brain has a normal electrical cycle of brain waves every 90 minutes. During an average 7-8 hour night, we go through 5 cycles. Our deepest most relaxing sleep should occur in the first 2-3 hours of the night. Throughout the remaining cycles we move closer to waking consciousness as we move in and out of the REM stage (rapid eye movement when your eyes are moving behind your eyelids as if they are looking at something.) If we awaken during REM we are likely to remember what we were dreaming. If we are not asleep long enough to complete these cycles, we miss the healing benefits of sleep both physically and emotionally.
Serious dream work requires a commitment. Purchase a notebook and dedicate it as your official Dream Journal. Place the journal and a pen next to your bed on a nightstand or within easy reach.
After several days or weeks with continued practice, fragments of dreams will become clearer and you will remember more details. With time, symbols, patterns, and themes will emerge offering you clues to fill in the blanks and flesh out the story. Your first attempts will be sketchy especially if you are resistant or afraid. This exercise is an excellent way to re-focus the dream and bring it from the inner world to the outer world so you can begin to interpret the message meant especially for you.
DREAMER’S MAILBOX: Why Can’t I Dream My Child?
Carla,
Can you tell me why one wouldn’t dream at all of the child so dearly loved and missed. My beautiful 18 year old daughter died in an auto accident 08/04/03 and I have yet to dream of her. Oh how I wish I would. Appreciate your feedback.
Forever 18'sMom
Dear Forever 18's Mom,
Thank you for writing. My heart grieves with you as I ponder this very question—one that I hear repeatedly from so many bereaved parents. Questions that I continue to ask myself as well, despite my dream experiences and knowledge of dream work. Yes, it would seem like such a given that the depth of our love for our children should guarantee a dream visit from them.
The truth is …I just do not know…and I truly believe that NO ONE else knows the answer either. I strongly disagree with anyone who foolishly suggests that a bereaved parents who is not dreaming their child is not ‘reconciled enough’ or patient enough’ or connected enough” or working hard enough or any rash of other ridiculous reasons and insensitive suggestions.. Dreaming is just one of the many ways hat we can connect with our precious children. The key is to become aware of HOW they are trying to connect with us and not set limits on how this will happen.
If dreaming is the tool you want to use, then what is more helpful is to focus on techniques to enhance dreaming and dream work with the sole intention of understanding the inner self. In doing so, we begin to recognize the obstacles to reconciling our loss and the guidance that is offered to begin healing our brokenness. When we shine light in the darkest corners of our grief and expose our fear of never being with them again, we can begin to ‘see’ our beloved children differently…we will ‘see’ them everywhere and in everything and touching everyone…their Light will illuminate the path to healing and wholeness.
I appreciate your writing…my answer probably did not give you what you wanted to hear. My goal is to offer bereaved parents another perspective, another way of seeing past these illusions we have of death and life so we can see our children again.
Blessings,
Carla
RESOURCES
Dreams4Healing Chat online at www.after-death.com.
Join Carla and ADC staffer Jeannie on the Second Monday of the month, 9 pm EST for online bereavement support using dreams as a tool for healing and reconciliation.
NEWS: Programs & Events
I will be presenting my program “Dreams: A Blessing in Disguise for Grieving Parents” this summer at two national conferences for bereaved parents.
July 1-3, 2005: The Compassionate Friends 2005 National Conference in Boston, MA--TWO SESSIONS
July 14-17, 2005: 2005 Bereaved Parents of the USA National Gathering in Las Vegas, NV.
I am delighted to announce that I will be joining my fellow bereaved parent author/friends, Mitch Carmody, Sandy Goodman, and Judy Collier to present two additional workshops at the BPUSA conference. Click here to learn more! http://www.dreamingkevin.com/Workshop_descrip.htm
ABOUT DREAMING KEVIN:
Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing
Infinity Publishing.com 2002, Paperback, 301 pgs:
In 1991, Carla Blowey entered the most challenging time of her life when the death of her five-year-old son, Kevin, and the nightmare that predicted it, forced her to reexamine her perceptions about death, grief and the afterlife. Carla took the road less traveled and journeyed to the dreamtime where she discovered that Kevin had merely transitioned from matter to spirit and that his love for her and their family was stronger than ever. Fourteen years later, Carla invites the bereaved to 'see differently' by using the gift of their dreams as a tool for reconciliation, healing, and spiritual growth.
To order go to www.buybooksontheweb.com and type in Dreaming Kevin.
To order a signed copy go to www.dreamingkevin.com.
Next issue-September 2005: Book Reviews, TCF & BPUSA Conference, and Reflections From the Editor!
I welcome your comments, questions, and dreams—contact me at carla@dreamingkevin.com
Dreams & Blessings,
Copyright March 2005
Dreaming Kevin: The Path To Healing
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