MORE NOTES FROM COMPANIONS ON THE JOURNEY
A NOTE FROM STANN...Kevin's dad: January 7, 1991 was the worst day of my life. It has taken me many years to overcome the loss of my son, Kevin, whom I love and miss very much today. Part of my healing process was being able to love and support my lovely wife, Carla, and beautiful daughter, Amber these past eleven years. However, I admit there were many times when I neglected my own grief. Most men and women don't grieve in the same way. As a bereaved father I dealt with the loss of Kevin differently than my wife. I was overwhelmed by the pressures of having to return to work and support the family. I was not comfortable talking about my feelings with many people, except with Carla, and even then I was worried about how my pain would affect her. So, as many men, I did not recognize that my pain was just as important and valid. It was difficult watching her be in so much pain and not be able to relate to her dream world. I wanted so much to experience those kind of dreams and have the same relationship with Kevin that she had. Thankfully, Kevin was persistent and found a way to come to me too.
Carla's book has given me a better understanding of her inner world and the grieving process from a mother's perspective . It also helped me with my own grief issues and enabled me to heal some of my wounds. I encourage all bereaved fathers to take the risk to read our story and recognize that although as fathers our grief journeys may be different than our deceased child's mother...our feelings of loss are just as valid. What is most important is that we loved.
Stann...Montrose, CO
A NOTE FROM SANDY...Kevin's aunt: I was at work when I received a phone call from the Hospital informing me that my nephew Kevin was in an accident. I really didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what had happened. I do know that for some reason I was filled with dread on my way to the hospital. When I got there and saw my brother Stann and my sister-in-law Carla, I knew it wasn't good. Never in a million years could I have been prepared for what had happened.
I will never forget going into the room where Kevin was and seeing his poor little body. His life forever taken from him in a totally senseless act. Stann and Carla were beside themselves with grief as any parent would have been, I most certainly would have been if it were one of my children. I have no way of knowing the pain they were in and would never presume to place myself in their shoes, and pray to God that I never will have to go through what they had to. While at the hospital I called my parents in Grand Junction, and Carla's father in Denver and gave them the horrible news of what had happened. They would all be in Montrose as soon as possible. I have 3 boys of my own and couldn't tell you where they were while all of this was going on. I believe they were at home, but I honestly don't remember.
At some point in time we went to Stann and Carla's house. Family and friends started to show up, necessary phone calls were made to inform other family members of what had happened, although again, I don't remember who made them. Sometime that night I went home to be with my boys to explain to them what had happened. Of course they didn't understand it any better than I did. I just thanked God that they were all alive and well, even though I was filled with sorrow at what had happened. I know it had to be very hard for Stann and Carla to have my boys around during this time. Especially Dillon who is 4 months older than Kevin. It had to be a constant reminder of what I still had and they no longer did.
I remember going to the private family viewing at the funeral home. Some members of the family got up and talked. I don't remember who all talked or what was said, or even if I did or not. It was all a haze. The church for Kevin's funeral was packed. I couldn't believe all of the people that came. It was very touching to know there were so many people who cared about Kevin whether they knew him or not. I remember sobbing with grief during the service especially during the songs. The song "Heartlight" will always have a special place in my heart from now on. Releasing the balloons after the service by the family members was an especially hard but touching thing for me to do. It was a form of saying goodbye to someone we shouldn't have had to say goodbye to.
One day after Kevin's funeral Dillon and I were in the car and he said "look mommy I see Kevin up in the clouds." I burst into tears and said "yes Dillon I believe you do," it was such an innocent but truly believable statement from a child's mouth, for he truly believed he could see him.
An especially hard time was during the trial. None of us could believe that the man who had caused this terrible injustice, could act as cold and heartless as he and his family did during the trial. It was unbelievable to us that the jury couldn't even be informed that Kevin was dead. It wasn't that we all felt that the man should be in jail, but we felt he should be held accountable for his actions. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. It was a grave injustice to the memory of a little boy. The court system didn't do what we all believe it is there for, not by a long way.
I often think about Kevin and what he would be doing if he were still alive. I know he would be playing sports, because he was that way before he died. He was his daddy's shadow and one thing I know about my brother is he is very into sports. Kevin would have been just like him, there isn't a doubt in my mind about that. Kevin and Dillon used to play superheroes a lot when they were together and one time Carla had taken their picture while they were playing. I think about that picture a lot. The only difference is, is that one of those superheroes isn't wearing a cape any more. He is wearing the wings of an angel. I love you Kevin, Aunt Sandy.
Sandra Blowey-Curry... American Falls, Idaho
A NOTE FROM REGINA (Carla's
Cousin).....Well, here I am in Minnesota reliving those terrible days over 11
years ago. I say days because even though we felt pain, anger, sorrow for Carla,
Stann and Amber's loss we could go home to our families, to our children and hug
them and kiss them and love them. I deal with a lot of things through humor.
Sometimes it's appropriate and sometimes it is not. When my sisters and I went
to Colorado for Kevin's funeral we were able to laugh and that was good because
we sure did a lot of crying too. When I started singing "short'nin' bread" that
was my way of getting us, Carla, Ann and my sisters Laurene and Bunny
dealing with a different element, ME. It was a short escape but a good one. I
have many fond memories of our family vacations with Carla, Stann and their
family. My son, Matt, still carries pictures of him and Kevin from our last
vacation together in his wallet. This book brought back many sad memories but it
also shed some light on things that I could only imagine, and, in reading this
book you can feel the pain and anguish that this family goes through. But you
can also see how Carla uses her dreams, her family's love and the love of her
friends to move on.
Not all of us can even begin to comprehend the loss of a child nor do we all
dream with such great depth as Carla but reading this book will give all of us a
greater understanding of all kinds of emotions. You will be taken to the very
soul of sorrow so that the next time when a tragedy happens and you tell that
person how sorry you are they are not just words but real, deep feelings of
compassion. Compassion is something we all must have.
With great love of Carla, Stann, Amber, Megan and Jason and of course always
Kevin.
Regina Aiken
Minnetonka, Minnesota